Holding The Pieces Together...

Salam...

What pieces you might wonder =) It's my heart. Today's the first time ever in my life that I feel like clenching onto my heart and put it back to its normal place. I don't think I am heartbroken, I was not dumped either. I was not in a relationship or anything of that sort. It's the fact that nothing starts before it ends kill my heart. It ends, end of story. No introduction, no content, just closing. Such a bad essay, a bad drama episode that you just want to skip.

A few months back, rumours started, saying this certain guy is interested in me. Of course, the carefree me took that as a joke. I don't want to start having hope because as soon as I start doing so, I wish it will be true sooner or later. So I basically ignored all that but it continued on and on. The thing is, even if that person likes or in my case 'liked' me, he didn't say that to me. He only passed message to his female friends. So, how can I be sure that he liked me? There's no way I'm going to reply. Really.

My colleagues started asking me about my ideal guy and as I listed the characteristics, they kept relating those with the guy. I was fine with that. I mean, even if he has all the characteristics, he might not be the one. Still, I don't keep my hope up. Actually, I didn't hope at all.

Then, another message from his female friend, that he wanted to show my picture to his mother. I said, okay, and I'm going to ask my parents first. Only if they allow us to be friends that we can ever be friends. I'm old-fashioned like that. This is when I started to think of questions like "Could he be the one?", etc. Hope up by 15%. A month later, I heard another message saying that he really likes/liked me but his mother wants someone nearer to his hometown. I said fine. I didn't feel it yet (though my Mak already said that, of course, he can be friend with me. My Abah was a bit hesitant; maybe because he knew something like this might happen).

I see him almost everyday. We arrived almost at the same time, almost always. "This" feeling builds inside me and today I realize that my heart is getting heavier that it might fall. I should not let this happen right? It's not like anything happened right? So, why? I myself wonder...

I don't know anymore. Maybe I should stop listening to YUI's song, Please Stay With Me...

Surechigau tabi ni, Itoshiku natte yuku--

(Every time we pass by one another, you become more precious to me)

Maybe I just need to sleep and this feeling will go away and my heart will heal by itself.

By; Al-Falah - the smart girl who just turned dumb...