This Teacher Playing Truants??!

Salam...

I'm sick since yesterday. 2 different sickness in total. I was having a pounding headache yesterday, and a stomach-wrenching-ache now, today. The doctor (from yesterday) said that it might be due to stress. That was the first time the word 'stress' is said to me from a professional doctor. It might be a 'manja' word for some people, even my father thought so. People always ignore it the way they ignore flies. I'm just glad that the doctor has pointed out that fact because I was always wondering if my condition of vomiting, headache, stomachache is normal. "The doctor said I was stressed". Yup, that's a good enough reason to think about my life a little bit more. I've been thinking that I couldn't live like this till the day I retire...

I didn't go to school yesterday. Went to school today but later went to clinic and got an MC. I didn't play truant. Well, maybe I did (well, not exactly) yesterday since I didn't get an MC. Yesterday, I went to clinic at around 5 p.m. when the pain in my head had actually subsided. There's no temperature, no pounding, just stress. And the doctor even gave me pills for gastric. Your body is a mystery. You don't feel like you have a gastric but you do. At least now I know, though I have to say that the gastric pills taste super bad =P

I have planned to get my whole body checked after I get my first pay. I haven't done that obviously. Been busy, away from the targeted clinic at Muar, and all. Even during holiday, I have my moments of drowsiness, sometimes unaware of things, vomiting... I just feel like I have to get checked. Am I not scared of the result? Of course I am. What if suddenly I find out that I have a lot other sickness? That's scary! But I still want to know. I feel obligated to know. It's for my body, my future, my life overall.

In comparison to other people, I think that I'm really weak. I can't stop complaining (especially here in this blog), I couldn't bear even just a little amount of pain, etc. Now, honestly, I've been thinking about my other TESL friends who are at school, teaching, and some (for example, Luke) actually have to teach 30+ periods per week. Me? Only 2o periods. And I already feel pressure all over. Well, maybe it is related to the students of 2 Intan who are really noisy when I was teaching. The rest of the students... haah... I can actually breathe easily. I have to admit, my condition now is better in comparison to my practical teaching. I'm not that stressed. I guess I just have to be stronger and have a more positive outlook about life. Just like Yoochun. I really wish I can learn from him.

About Master, I've decided that I won't wait for 2 or 3 years. Once I already have my permanent position (after I pass the SPP interview), I will register for my Master in TESL. After Master, I'll apply for the lecturer position anywhere around Malaysia. I don't know if lecturing will suit me better than teaching. I wasn't saying teaching isn't for me because I set a double standard or that I was looking down on teaching profession. I think these people who are strong and patient enough to be teachers are really great. Since I can never be on the same par with them mentally, emotionally, physically, I'll pass this responsibility to other people who are more suitable with this job. I think that I can never waste my time pondering the same problems about students and all until I retire. I think that not taking Master is too wasting of my young age. I believe in my goal and I'm going to work for it. I just hope my parents will agree with my plan (though I know Mak will get worried because I'll have to pay my debt to KPM if I give up as a teacher).

Isn't life supposed to be fulfilling? Learning is fulfilling that's why I think that I still want to learn for a few years before I gain enough maturity to get into the working world. I'm still learning about life... And I'm still not ready to compete with my colleagues in terms of 'who's gonna get married first?'. Sorry. It's not that I'm confident about living alone. I've been thinking (especially when I'm sick) that isn't it good to have a companion who can take care of me? But relationship shouldn't be based on rash decisions. For me, I want to think carefully. I want to be ready. I don't want to just lean on my partner's shoulders, but to let him lean on mine as well. I haven't reached that level of strength and maturity. And most of all, I don't have any candidate =) It's okay cause for now, I prefer being single (though I'm sick of talking to myself, duh!)

Alright, I should get some rest since the doctor already granted me an MC slip. Tata~

By; Al-Falah